1/9/11

After hour prayer

So every night I try to say a quick little prayer, you know the typical, thank you for my family, thank you for trees, thank you for this and that, please help my cussing, please help my 49ers and ESPN addiction, you know the typical.

Well tonight that's how my prayer started. It was good! Then next thing you know I realize I'm practically praying 20 years down the line. I was praying for wisdom that I will chose a wife that will make me a stronger christian, that she might build me up so I can be the stepping stone for my family, that my kids will grow up and see God and know him through me by my actions, that I will be a leader in the church, that I can follow in the footsteps of my grandfather and father and be a leader that leads not follows, that I can be like my mother and grandmother who love their family more then themselves and work as hard as they can to make their kids happy.

Ya....it was one of those prayers. After I finished, I laid there......and thought.....WOW. That's all I could think to come out of my mouth. I got nervous, what if I'm not like those things, what if I'm totally different and don't do what the Lord wants me to do. It freaked me out. But I feel like God helped me through that prayer and it WILL have a positive effect in my life.

Through all this thinking, it brought out one of the many weaknesses I have. And that is...I hate not knowing things. I plan. I like to know things. If my friends want to go out for dinner, I want to know when we want to be there, what time we want to eat, and what time we need to be back. If someone doesn't step up and give me times I start busting out orders like the old AFJROTC days (the glory days). It's not pretty. I plan. I am a planner. I'm a Type A personality. OK more like an A- type personality but it's there. But the fact is I don't know things. I don't know if I'm going to graduate. I don't know where I'm going to work. I don't know my wife's name. I don't know how I'm gonna support my family. I don't know things. That scares me. I don't like not knowing. Now I don't like not knowing when I'm going to eat next so think of how small that is then compare it to not knowing where your gonna work. AHHH Drives me insane.

So pretty much, God decided it was going to be a typical college night for Nate, because I can't sleep! I try to sleep, and start thinking about these things! Just like a school week, I start to sleep, then BAM!!!!  I remember I have a history test in two weeks lol. Which is TWO WEEKS AWAY but it still bothers me haha. Well anyways. I'm done here. I don't know how to end this, cause ending the sports blog I just stopped talking (typing) so....I'm going to...slip away...right...now....

1 comment:

  1. Don't we all find ourselves worrying about those things sometimes? At least that is what I like to tell myself, makes me feel a little better about wondering about it.

    I too am a planner, big time type A+++ personality, so I feel your pain. And trusting that God has it worked out is so often hard to do. But, what a thing to trust him, it does unbelievably amazing thing for your faith in him.

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